I apologise for taking such a long unexpected break from posting here. The past months following July have been a rollercoaster of events, which have been some of the best and worst months of my life.
However I thought it was now time to get back to writing and update you on what I’ve been up to. I think it’s best to start off with the good rather than the bad, I’m not sure whether I’ve gone crazy or not, but last September I started up my own craft business! Yes I may have gone mad, but at the same time I really enjoy creating lots of gifts and individual items for each customer’s special occasion. If you would like to see my page showing all previous craft items you can find it through the following link: www.facebook.com/madewithlovebycarla
On the other hand, the reason I started this new venture is because I have had to quit my university course due to my illness. This was a hard decision made by me and my team of health professionals in London, it is something which I still miss deeply but know is the sensible thing to do. However I’m happy I’ve been able to turn a negative situation into good through my business.
Whilst that part of my life is looking quite good right now the medical side of things has gone rapidly downhill in the last few months. Giving the short story of the matter; I currently write this post whilst lying in my hospital and have been in hospital for the past 6 weeks. Without boring you all with too much detail and medical jargon I’ll explain the basic facts of the situation. Since November I have been suffering from almost daily seizures, something which must be so scary for my family to witness, and which leave me in sheer exhaustion and terrifying pain. Over the weeks and months ahead of this the seizures continued to increase in frequency and length which led to my neurologist planning to admit me to hospital in January in an attempt to get a hold and control over the nightmare me and my family were living in. However on Monday 18th January that planned hospital admission suddenly became an emergency one when after a seizure I woke up with paralysed legs. That day I was admitted to hospital and I’ve been here ever since. Currently, my legs still do not move but each day I’m working hard with physiotherapy in an attempt to get my legs moving again.
You can imagine I’m dealing with a very scary, frustrating and overwhelming situation. In fact at times it still doesn’t seem real and I feel like I’m telling someone else’s story. Over the past 6 weeks there has been blood, sweat and tears (literally!!!) I’ve went through a vast realm of emotions; I’ve questioned, been scared, angered, shocked, frustrated, upset and cried until there was no more tears left. Yet at the same time I’ve been able to smile and feel so blessed when experiencing the love, kindness, generosity and support of family, friends, nurses, health care assistants and strangers. Yes there is evil and selfishness in this world but when something like this strikes a person, the love and sense of community among others is on an unbelievable height of goodness which has left me humbled and in awe.
I’m scared and have questioned many times throughout the past 6 weeks ‘why me?’ But the truth of the matter is, life is hard and none of us is immune from suffering. However whilst I’ve sat here having hours and hours of time to think, it’s dawned on me how quick we are to tell everyone how blessed we are and how close we are to God when life is all rosy. We may update our statuses on social media with excitement and happiness at the good things happening at the time, yet sadly we are a lot slower to tell anyone of the bad things. How often does someone say, I’m suffering so much and so happy to be blessed with this pain etc? It just doesn’t seem natural, does it? I know I’m guilty myself of feeling distanced from God during these 6 weeks of despair. The pain of suffering can overwhelm the faith of God’s children, I know it has for me at times. It can threaten to break the trust we have in God, but I’m thankful God is faithful and has reminded me of His closeness to me, He is right beside me rather than miles away.
Now when I stop and think I realise how much I have experienced the love of Christ through my suffering, and I know this will never change. We can’t hide, run or escape from suffering and therefore we must face it head on with the amour of Christ and His love wrapped around us.
Therefore if any of you are suffering and feeling that God is afar, I pray this will encourage you and strengthen your heart.