I had planned to update at the end of the week but that just didn’t go to plan, I’ve been to sore and weak and overall the past week really hasn’t been easy, in fact some of it has been awful.
This is the truth of living with a chronic illness, it hurts a lot, there are tears, sleepless nights, extreme exhaustion, frustration, weariness and sadness. Some days it can feel incredibly overwhelming and lonely, it’s a constant uphill battle and I just want to be better. Sometimes on the outside it may seem that everything is ok, I may smile and I may even look healthy however on the inside things are very different, the extreme pain and fatigue is constantly wearing me down and the fact is I’m struggling to cope with all that’s going on in my life right now.
However this week I’ve been challenged. It has never really occurred to me until now that I’ve lost hope. All this time I’ve been focussing on accepting my illness whilst I’ve completely forgot that if it is God’s will I could be healed. I think I had lost hope that my incurable illness could be curable with God, for ALL THINGS are possible with God.
Recently I’ve been studying the book of Daniel and through this God spoke to me in incredible ways, God asks, “Do you believe I can do this?” When God asked me this I realised that although my answer to this is “yes,” I do believe that God can heal me, I think I’ve unconsciously submitted myself to the thought that this will be me for the rest of my life.
This is wrong, I need to change this attitude of hopelessness. For with God there is a possibility that I can be healed. God has challenged me to hold onto to this hope, to never give up. Therefore I have accepted that whether it is God’s will for me to be healed or not, I will not lose HOPE. I will continue to have hope in Jesus my Saviour.
“And Jesus answered them, ‘Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” Mark 11:22-23.