Recently I’ve felt that I haven’t been as dedicated to my blog as I should, I apologise. It’s just lately I’ve been really exhausted and I’m finding it difficult to gain energy to do much at all. Right now as I write this I am even struggling to move my hand to type. But I will get through this and I know God is giving me the strength to get through each slow and drawn out day.
Right now I’m struggling and I feel very weak, I’ve had countless falls in the past week, knee dislocations, sleepless nights, legs that don’t move as they should due to nerve problems, my continual shoulder dislocation causes such horrendous pain that sometimes I can barely think straight and my medications make me feel horrible and exhausted all the time. I just wish I could catch a break, but I can’t. That’s the thing with a chronic illness, it just doesn’t seem to end, it won’t get better and therefore I will just have to keep going on each day like I’ve been doing for the past 7 years.
However thankfully I have hope amidst this darkness, I have Jesus and I can cling on to Him through each long, dark and tiring day. I love this quote which is a beautiful reminder that regardless of what I’m going through I can trust in God’s perfect will:
‘We should pray for deliverance, and we should learn to resist the attacks of satan in the power of Jesus Christ. But we should always pray in an attitude of humble acceptance of that what is God’s will. Sometime’s God’s will is deliverance from the adversity; sometimes it is the provision of grace to accept the adversity. Trusting God for the grace to accept adversity is as much an act of faith as is trusting Him for deliverance from it.’ Jerry Bridges.
I do trust God and I’m truly thankful God is giving me the grace to get through each day, I also know that it is perfectly ok and normal to have questions and honestly tell God how I feel. Telling God right now that I’m struggling, I’m in pain, I’m weak and I’m exhausted is OK. If we don’t ask God these questions we will never properly learn and grow in our faith. There are numerous times throughout the Bible when people were honest and frank with God. For example in Psalm 13,
‘How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day?’
Whilst Job, on a number of occasions, was completely honest and frank at his dislike to what he was going through. He honestly told God how much he was struggling and therefore asks God many questions throughout chapter 23. I am so encouraged and comforted to know that I don’t have to put on a brave face all the time, that it’s OK to be upset and to honestly tell God this and ask Him questions. I’m thankful that I can be completely honest and open with God.
A lot of the time growth in our faith will be painful. No one likes struggling and suffering, but many times, when we are at our lowest that our faith in God is strengthened as it is at this point when we can do nothing else but cling to God in the unknown with faith.
Therefore, what I’m trying to say is that although I feel awful right now, although I’m dealing with extreme pain and exhaustion. I am comforted in knowing that God is giving me the grace to get through this. He is my one and only true counsellor and I can honestly and openly talk to God about the difficulties I’m facing. I am thankful that God is getting me through this rough patch and I can honestly say that I’m excited to see how God is using my difficulties for good according to His perfect will.
‘Every difficulty that presents itself to us, if we receive it in the right way, is God’s opportunity.’ C.H. Parkhurst