I hope you all had a good weekend and a nice break ready to begin another busy week. Today is the last daily blog post of my timeline, which takes us up to right now in my life and what’s going on.
As I’d mentioned on Saturday, just 10 weeks after my shoulder surgery in December things started to go wrong. Through the months of March and April I would sometimes have daily trips to hospital to get my shoulder relocated until it got to the point when it wouldn’t stay in its proper place at all and as a result, for the past 18 weeks I have been living 24/7 with a shoulder that is stuck in the wrong place.
I would love to be able to explain exactly what is wrong with my shoulder, but I can’t and neither can any of the medical professionals in Northern Ireland. According to my physiotherapist I have them all baffled, I really am a medical mystery right now.
Therefore at the beginning of these 18 weeks I spent 2 weeks in hospital sorting out a suitable pain regime and then I was sent home to await an appointment to go to the Royal National Orthopaedic Hospital in London to see a professor there.
I got home again in May and it was horrendous; the pain, the sleepless nights, and the waiting for London. To begin with I was stuck in bed when I got home because I can’t sit up straight nor can I lie down flat; as you can see it’s quite a sticky situation. But thankfully, a very generous friend gave me one of her recliner chairs which means that I can lie back at the angle I need. Honestly, this chair has been wonderful and without it I wouldn’t be able to go and spend time with my family and friends, instead I’d be stuck in bed all day everyday.
In addition, it got to the stage where my bed wasn’t really comfortable for me either and therefore I got a new bed which moves like a hospital bed and therefore allows me also to sleep at an angle which is better, not just for my shoulder but for all my joints.The past 18 weeks have been difficult, extremely difficult. There have been lots of tears, pain and so much more. My life has been on hold and I just want to be able to get back to “my normal” again. All the weeks now seem to just roll into one, I’ve been stuck in the house for months, only leaving for when it is the absolute necessity, such as, going to hospital appointments, because otherwise I just can’t do it. Every little activity causes me horrendous pain. This pain is tiring, it feels like it keeps knocking me down, like it’s eating away at me. It’s left me weak and tired but I am thankful that through all this, which actually seems like one of the hardest times I’ve ever had to endure, I know that God is sovereign.
I am thankful that God is in control of this entire situation. I am so weak, yet He is strong. “Our weakness is a vessel for His power and our flaws a canvas for His grace.” I am thankful that throughout all of this God has filled me with His peace and strength. Yes I feel physically weak but I also feel strong. For being in such a tough situation I am surprisingly calm and that’s because I know my God is with me. I have realised it’s time to stop worrying and start trusting. Nothing, no matter how improbable, no matter how impossible, no matter how much it goes against everything, absolutely nothing, is too hard for the Lord.
Therefore I know I have to keep going, taking one day at a time with faith in God. It is my prayer that my faith will grow and that I will continue to put my trust in God. For right now I’m living in the unknown, I head to London next week, but I don’t know what’s going to happen, when I think of it worry begins to fill my mind; “will the surgeon be able to help me?” “what if they just leave me like this?” etc, and then I stop myself and remember that true faith is trusting God whilst in the unknown.
“As you walk through the day God wants you to live by faith and not by sight. Faith sees what your physical eyes can never see, knows what your natural mind can never comprehend, and surpasses what your physical arms can ever hold. Faith says “yes” to everything God declares to be true, stands upon everything God says is certain, and counts upon everything God says will come to pass.” Romans 1:17.
Therefore with my eyes closed as to what next week holds for me I will trust in God. Hand in hand, step by step, we will climb this mountain together.