Good morning all!
As I said yesterday, today is “Day 1” of my timeline posts journeying through the past 8 years of my life.
It all began in September 2007. I was 13 years old, a normal teenager with a great love for all kinds of sports. I attended ballet classes from I was 4 years old, I took part in tap, modern and ballet dancing exams and festivals. I played hockey, I went to yoga classes and even attempted football at one stage.
However in the September of 2007 things began to change, I started falling over for what appeared to be no reason. Sometimes I felt a sharp pain in my knee when I fell, but I thought I was just being clumsy or silly and I was constantly tripping over my feet anyway. I remember my mum having to tell me to stop turning my feet in (and she still does!! haha).
Confessing that something was wrong:
For a few weeks I never told anyone that I was falling over and that it actually really hurt. The main reason for this was because I couldn’t even explain why I’d fallen over, it was like suddenly I would just drop to the floor in horrendous pain. Then one night, whilst at yoga, I fell to the floor again; I still remember it today, the pain in my knee was awful and this time I could not get back up, I panicked and everyone stared at me with a puzzled looks since one minute ago I had been standing perfectly normal on two feet. I managed eventually to pick myself up off the floor and went home that evening barely able to walk, I knew it was now time to tell someone what had been going on.
Crutches, a wheelchair and all kinds of mobility aids:
After admitting to my mum what had been happening I went to the doctor and was told to rest my knee for 3 weeks, I had crutches and wasn’t allowed to play any sports. I was so upset, I know it was only 3 weeks but at the time those 3 weeks felt like forever; I just wanted to get back to dancing. Little did I know that I would never dance or run again. My falls continued to become more frequent, I would fall over in class at school, fall whilst getting up from my bedroom desk, falling down the stairs many times, and lots more until it got to the point where I was completely reliant on crutches or a wheelchair.
Surgery No. 1 & 2:
Eventually my doctor discovered that my knees were dislocating and in May 2007 and October 2007 I underwent surgery in an attempt to stabilise them. However, unfortunately, both operations were unsuccessful within a short time; but none of my doctors could explain why. I tried braces, physio, hydro-therapy, yet nothing would work; doctors just seemed to shrug their shoulders telling me there was nothing they could do. Some in the medical profession even suggested that I was a “troubled teenager” faking these dislocations and falls for attention. I was so upset, it felt like the doctors were just giving up and their easiest conclusion was to say I was telling lies. I was hurt, how could anyone think I would do this myself? I missed my old life, I wanted to be “normal” again. Why were they blaming me?
My new life in Christ:
It was at this similar point in my life when I truly found Jesus and was saved by the grace of God. I had grown up going to Church and Sunday School , I was believed in God, however it wasn’t until I was 13 when I realised I needed to know Jesus personally, that I needed Him to save me. Whilst my mobility and knee dislocations were still deteriorating I was exchanging the truth of God for a lie. I loved the Lord with all my heart, however I thought that being a Christian gave me the benefit of a safety net in which nothing bad would eve happen to me. I believed that if God really loved me then I definitely would get better and I started to become obsessed with this false idea. As a result, when I didn’t get better, but instead worsened I began withdrawing from God and from others.
Resting in the shelter of God’s promises:
At this stage in my life I was dependent on a wheelchair and I would hardly even leave the house, I didn’t want to be around anyone and I tried to withdraw myself from everyone. I hated that wheelchair, I was stubborn and refused to go out using the chair and therefore the only alternative was to stay indoors. I was annoyed, angry and frustrated, how could I go from being an active, healthy teenager to being reliant on a wheelchair within such a short space of time. However whilst I was basically hibernating, a friend came to me and showed me the following verse;
‘Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.’ James 1:2-4.
It was after hearing these words Jesus showed me how wrong I had been. This verse made me realise that good can come from suffering and all this could bring me closer in my relationship with the Lord. I soon began to see how silly I had been, God doesn’t promise a life free of suffering, but He does promise that when we do face such difficultly that He will never leave us. From that day on I knew I could rest in the shelter of God’s wonderful promises; I knew He loved me and would always be with me regardless of what the future held…
More to come tomorrow! 🙂