I thought it would probably be best to begin by giving you a little update on what is going on in my life at the moment. Honestly these past 14 weeks have been some of the most difficult weeks of my life. Since the end of April I have had a shoulder sitting in the wrong place and right now I cannot even fully explain this to you because no medical professionals in Northern Ireland can even explain what’s going on. I’ve no answers as to why it is sitting like this 24/7 and currently there is no solution as to how it can be fixed.
Having my shoulder like this has caused all my muscles to spasm around my shoulder, my shoulder is out-of-place and my shoulder-blade is severely winged. As you can probably guess this is extremely painful, so painful that I can no longer sit up. I have no movement in my arm, I’m on morphine and so many other medications I’ve lost count and I have to spend all my time laying down in my bed or chair.
This is incredibly draining, both physically and emotionally. My life is on hold right now, all I do is lay here all day everyday in extreme pain, my concentration is poor and at times my mood is low. This is not the life for any 21-year-old, however, it is God’s plan for me right now and therefore I will rely on Him.
Some days all I want to do is cry and wish the day was over, wish all this pain would go away, that I could enjoy my summer, go outside, have fun and be “normal.” However, on the other hand, I am also thankful for all that God has, and is continuing to teach me through these testing times. God has come alongside me at such discouraging times and comforted me with His love, grace and strength. He has shown me to give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:17) and to be content. It is my prayer I can become thankful and content regardless of what is going on in my life. I know that it could be much worse and therefore I will rejoice and try to see the good in every situation.
“For I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.” Philippians 4:11.
In the next few weeks I will be travelling to London for an appointment at the Royal National Orthopaedic Hospital, in the hope of gaining answers and solutions to my shoulder. There are queries over a muscle problem at the moment, however I will explain and update more when I find out myself.
I want to thank everyone for your lovely messages of support and encouragement over the past few months. I am so blessed by the family and friends I have in my life and it has been wonderful getting to know other chronic illness sufferers all over the world in the past number of weeks through Instagram.
I may be in the furnace right now but I am not destroyed or consumed, for God is my strength and is in control. He will not let anything happen to me which I cannot bear and I know that it is now, when I am weak, that I am truly strong, for I have realised just how weak I am. God is my strength and therefore I will rely on Him.
“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith – more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire – may be found to result in praise and glory and honour at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:6-7.
“When God puts his children in the furnace, he keeps his hands on the thermostat and his eye in the thermometer.” (Wiersbe 2010)
Wiersbe, WW (2010), Be Encouraged God can turn your trials into triumphs, David C. Cook, Canada.